Alright Bussy Kweens – grab your
Mac Pro-Longwear Eyeliner, lace front wig, 2XL faux-fur coat and take a shot from the Ciroc bottle that you re-filled up with the discontinued strawberry-mango Smirnoff vodka cause we are turnin it da fuck out with dis remix!
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Cutesy Dreaming slightly boring and bland but yet totally repeatable & totally Ellie!
Photo Courtesy: Polydor Ltd
Every gay blue moon or so, you meet a special
top boy on Grindr who you connect with on that what-are-your-aspirations-in-life/who’s-your-pop-queen level. Naturally, you’ve connected on said level after you’ve confirmed fuckability.
So y’all meet and the fuck is what Grindr dreams are made of. As you
lay face down waiting for him to grab the rag, you realize that
he may just be – wait, scratch that – he IS the ONE!
I mean he bascially loves the same pop queen as you do even though he made it pretty clear that he really only kinda-sorta likes
one of her songs but that’s besides the point.
Like a true gentleman, he comes back and wipes you down. He awkwardly sits on the edge of the bed naked and gives you a nice solid pat on the back with a closed mouth smile followed by “well this was fun.” You gleefully smile ear-to-ear trying to look as fuckabley adorable as possible as if though there was still a chance that he would stare at you the same way he did prior to cuming.
He gets dressed, grabs his shit and leaves. Before he even makes it back to his car you text him “Thanks for coming over! Can’t wait to hangout again!
What are your plans this weekend? :-)”
He is never to be heard from again.
This is now the 5th Grindr you’ve never heard from again this month …the 27th Grindr if you count the past 6 months. You’re left lost, hurt and devastated.
Feeling hopeless you wonder WWBD? (What Would Britney Do)
Cue Britney Spears from the critically acclaimed and groundbreaking
2008 MTV comeback documentary; For The Record:
Godney is always there when you need her
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